Questions?

I don't know if what I'm feeling is right or wrong. But all I know is that all the questions in my mind right now can only be answered by a yes or no.

Yes or No. Is it really possible to fall for someone whom you just met?

Yes or No. Is there such as "generic friendliness"?

Yes or No. Do you have any right to get jealous when a guy you like flirts with someone?

Yes or No. Is it really that hard to say you like someone?

Yes or No. Would you be an assuming person if you think that a guy likes you too?

Yes or No. When you can't look straight into someone's eyes, does it mean that you feel something for that someone?

Yes or No. Is it normal to miss someone whom you just met?

Yes or No. Do you really have to wait for the right time to say you like someone?

Yes or No. Will it hurt if the right time comes but then that someone is not there anymore?

Yes or No. And do I have any right to ask these questions?

I don't know what's happening to me. I just hope that this is not true.

And another thing.

Yes or No. Is it okay to believe that what I'm feeling is true even if there's a possibility that it's not?

And another.

Yes or No. Do you believe that "signs" from above exist? and

Yes or No. Are they effective?

Too weak to speak

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt like all the world’s problem was on your shoulders? It was like you’re too weak to speak. That the moment you try to say something or start to think of something every part of you starts to hurt and your tears just start to flow. It’s something that you can’t control.

I was walking home. I was weak and sleepless. I wanted to go home as fast as I can, because I can’t control the tears that were trying to fall from my eyes the moment I left the building. I don’t know why I was feeling that way. All I know is that I wanted to cry. Shouting at the top of my lungs would help if I just have enough courage to do it, unfortunately I don’t have it. I never have it. One block away from home, and the feelings started to sink in deeper.

I was heading home but somehow my feet were leading me the other way.

And I found myself inside the church.

The morning mass was about to end, so I decided to stay to finish it. I was sitting there. I was looking at the few people that were there, mostly old people. I can hear the priest doing his sermon but I can only catch some of the words that he was saying. It seems like it goes inside my ear and out on the other. I was not myself. But two things’ I know – I’m angry and it hurts.

I stayed there for about thirty to forty-five minutes. I was trying to say something to Him, but I can’t. I started to say some silent words and stop. I started to pray and stop. Then it happened.

Tears were flowing now from my eyes. I bowed my head so the others won’t see that I was actually crying. It was like I was praying but I was not. I used my jacket to dry the tears on my eyes. I was like that for the next five minutes.

Somehow I felt that my burden was lessening somehow. But I can still feel it inside and it still hurts.

The moment I reached our house my sister asked me if I cried because my eyes are a light bit reddish. I lied and said that I was just really sleepy. Then I went to sleep hoping that it would all be gone when I wake up again.

I can’t really actually explain how I was feeling that day. You know it? Like you can’t really find the words to define what you were feeling and it’s hard to put things together? And I don’t know if this post would give justice to it. But somehow I just need to let it out so that it won’t hurt that much.

Feeling Something

The moment you knew what you really feel, that's when you started to get confused. Thousands of questions come to your mind and you just find it hard to answer each of them. It's like it's so right but then suddenly it's not. You think of the factors that would really affect your decision, but then when you're there - You suddenly forget all about them. Isn't it funny? How strange things happen at the least you expect them to. You have the tendency to ignore it, as if it's not there and you're not feeling anything. But then it's there, you're feeling something, and if you're not careful enough you might fall - and the worst - You'll end up hurting yourself.