unang araw

Halos tatlong taon na ng una mo siyang nakilala, tanda mo pa ang mga panahong iyon. Siya ang pumukaw ng iyong atensyon mula sa maraming mag-aaral sa loob ng silid-aralan. Ng mga panahong iyon isang tanong lamang ang nais mong hanapan ng kasagutan- ano kaya ang pangalan nya.

Dumating ang inyong guro at lahat ay nagpasyang magsiupo, sa hindi mo maunawaang pangyayari kung bakit tila tadhana ang nagpasyang maupo siya sa katabi mong upuan. Napansin niyang nakatingin ka sa kanya at pinakawalan niya ang isang ngiting hindi mo malilimutan. Iyon ang una niyang ngiti sa iyo. Iyon ang unang araw ng klase at nagbigay ng mga "reminders" ang guro, ngunit isa man sa kanyang mga sinabi ay hindi mo naiintindihan. Hindi ka man nakatingin, ang buo mo namang atensyon ay nasa binatilyong iyong katabi. Tulad ng dati lahat ay dapat magpakilala. Kinabahan ka bigla at nahiya, sana wag ikaw ang unang tawagin. Ngunit hindi pinakinggan ang iyong dasal, bagkus ay malakas na tinawag ng guro ang iyong pangalan at inutusang pumunta sa unahan upang doon ipakilala ang iyong sarili. Napansin mong ang lahat ng atensyon ay nasa iyo, pati na ang atensyon ng iyong katabi. Nagsimula kang ipakilala ang iyong sarili. Kaunti lamang ang iyong sinabi dahil nahihiya ka na magtagal pa sa unahan. Pagkatapos ay umupo ka na muli sa iyong upuan. Ang iyong katabi ang huling tinawag ng guro upang magpakilala. Muli ay tiningnan mo siya habang naglalakad papunta sa unahan, matikas ang kanyang tindig. Bago siya magsimula ay tinawag ka ng guro. Nagulat ka at sabay tumayo. Pinalapit ka sa upuan na kanyang inuupuan. Malakas ang tambol ng iyong dibdib at hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit ka niya tinawag. Nang malapit ka na ay iniabot niya ang isang maliit na kuwaderno at inutusan kang pumunta sa "Principal's Office" upang ibigay iyon sa prinsipal. Kumunot ang iyong noo at nainis. Bakit naman sa lahat ng pwedeng utusan ay ikaw pa ang napili ng malditang gurong iyon. At bakit ngayon pa, kung kailan magpapakilala na ang kanina mo pang hinihintay. Miserable. Ngunit wala kang magagawa, guro mo siya at iyon ang unang araw ng klase. Nagpakawala ka ng isang matamis na ngiti kabaligtaran ng tunay mong nararamdaman ng mga oras na iyon. Nilisan mo ang silid-aralan na may sama ka ng loob sa gurong nakaupo sa unahan. Ngunit bago ka pa man makalabas ay tinangka mong lumingon at tingnan ang binatilyong nasa unahan. Makikilala mo din siya sigurado.

Nang pabalik ka na sa silid-aralan ay natanaw mong wala ng tao doon. Marahil ay maagang pinauwi ng guro ang lahat kaya nagpasya kang kunin ang iyong gamit upang makauwi na rin. Papalabas ka na ng silid-aralan ng makita mong hindi pala lahat ay umalis na, naroon pa siya. Ang binatilyong iyong katabi ay naroon pa at nakaupo sa upuan sa dulo ng silid-aralan. Nag-iisa siya. Nagulat ka at napakunot-noo. Hindi mo tinangkang magtanong dahil hindi mo alam kung paano mo sisimulan ang iyong pangungusap. Tinungo mo ang pinto nang biglang may tumawag sa iyong pangalan. Napalingon ka at napagtantong siya ang tumawag sa iyo. Nakangiti siya at ipinakita sa iyo ang isang aklat na hawak nya. Sinabi niyang ipinabibigay iyon ng guro sa kanya. Lahat ay binigyan ng ganoong klase ng aklat ngunit dahil wala siya at nasa "Principal's Office" ay siya na ang nagprisinta na hintayin ka upang iabot ang aklat sa iyo. Iniabot niya iyon sa iyo at kinuha mo sabay sabi ng salamat. Nagpaalam ka sa kanya upang umuwi na dahil naalala mong marami ka pang dapat gawin sa inyo. Tumalikod ka upang umalis na nang sinabi niya ang kanyang pangalan. Lumingon ka at napangiti, biglang mong naalala na hindi mo pa nga pala nalalaman ang kanyang pangalan. Masaya kang umalis ng paaralan ng araw na iyon.

nasasaktan

Hindi mo malaman ang iyong gagawin, may kung ano sa loob ng iyong katawan, sa loob ng iyong puso na nais lumabas at magwala. Sa kung anong dahilan, may nararamdaman kang sakit, ngunit di mo mawari kung saan iyon nanggagaling. Parang unti-unting sinasaksak at pinapatay ang iyong puso habang binibitiwan nya ang mga katagang ni minsan ay hindi mo inisip na magmumula sa kanyang mga labi. Hindi maaari. Hindi dapat. Nanaginip ka lamang,ang lahat ng iyon ay ninanais mong maging panaginip na lamang, na sana anumang oras ay may gigising sa iyo mula sa masamang panaginip na iyon. Ngunit ang taong iyong inaasahan ay hindi dumating upang gisingin ka mula sa iyong panaginip. Hindi sya dumating at alam mong hindi na sya dadating pa.

Unti-unting pumatak ang dalawang butil ng luha mula sa iyong mga mata na kanina pa nais lumabas. Sinubukan mong pigilan ang mga iyon, pinahiran mo ang iyong pisngi at inilihis ang paningin mula sa taong iyong kaharap. Ngunit patuloy ang pagdaloy ng iyong mga luha, walang tigil, walang katapusan. Nais mong maglaho sa kanyang harapan ng mga oras na yun. Hindi mo ito kakayanin. Hindi. Muli mo syang tiningnan sa kanyang mga mata, ang mga matang iyon ang nagustuhan mo sa kanya. Ang mga matang iyon ang nagsilbing kaligayahan mo sa tuwing nalulungkot ka at naluluha. Ngunit may kakaiba sa mga matang iyon ngayon, may tubig na namumuo sa mga ito. Bakas ang lungkot na nararamdaman ng taong nagmamay-ari sa mga matang iyon. Hindi mo mawari kung luha ba ang mga iyon o maaaring ang iyong nakikita ay ang mga luhang nakaharang sa iyong sariling mata. Ngunit kung ano pa man yun isa lamang ang nalalaman mo ng mga panahong iyon, umiiyak ka dahil nasasaktan ka.

Tumalikod ka at sinubukang lumakad palayo sa kanya ngunit maging ang iyong mga paa ay hindi mo maigalaw,marahil ay dahil sa pagkabigla sa kanyang sinabi. Nararamdaman mong unti-unting kinukuha ang lakas mo mula sa iyong katawan. Parang ang tumayo doon sa kanyang harapan ay ni hindi mo na kakayanin ng matagal. Naririnig mo ang mga lihim nyang paghikbi, ang kanyang mga matang ramdam mo na nakatitig sa iyo. Mga matang humihingi ng pangunawa. Ngunit ang pangunawang kanyang hinihingi ay hindi mo magagawang ibigay sa kanya ng mga panahong iyon, hindi pa. Ilang minuto ang lumipas, hindi nyo tinangkang kausapin ang isa't isa marahil dahil sa pagkabigla ng reaksyon ng bawat isa sa inyo. Isang bagay lamang ang natitiyak nyong dalawa, pareho kayong umiiyak, pareho kayong nasasaktan.

Walang may gusto ng nangyayari sa inyong dalawa sa mga panahong iyon. Ngunit may ilang bagay talaga na ni sinuman ay hindi magawang maintindihin. Mga pangyayaring masakit man malaman ay kailangang tanggapin. Mga malalalim na sugat na tanging ang panahon lamang ang makapaghihilom. At katotohanang hindi na mababago anuman ang iyong gawin.

miss you

I told you so! There is really something weird about him. He’s annoyed to our class! And we can’t do anything about it! Good luck for us people. But why should he? What’s the reason? Isn’t it “we” should be the one annoyed to him? What’s happening here? I don’t get anything! But they said that another reason why he’s not coming to school is that he’s sick. So bad for him. Well honestly we miss him. Get well soon.

heart's day

Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s heart’s day again! And just like every year we have something for each other. Jovick was the one who got my gift. I gave him some Cadbury chocolate and a cd with all of the songs that he (as well as I) likes. Since it’s still early to go home we’ve decided to hangout. We went to the zoo. Hahaha! Valentine’s at the zoo! It was just a little sad since Jp, Alex, Donald, and Mariss were not able to come with us because they have some important things to attend to. Even if they were not there, we have so much fun. It was tiring to walk around looking at different kinds of animals. And another thing I’ve discovered, it was also tiring to smile every time we have to take pictures and it’s so annoying that we don’t have anyone around to take our pictures so we have to asked some people to take it so all of us will be present in our pictures. It was such a day. After that we’ve decided to go home and rest. I was about to forget; chocolates are not really that good to our health. I’ve discovered that after eating many chocolates!

missed

He missed our class today. I don’t know why, he just didn’t come. Is there something wrong? Usually he’s always late but he often text us, this time it’s just weird. And another thing is that he still attends our class even if he’s late. I heard our exams on him were not good. Is it because of that? I don’t think so; he’s not that kind of person who would be affected by such a little reason.

loveteam

It’s Maicel’s birthday today! I was walking in greenbelt yesterday (we’ve decided no to go to school on Thursday and Friday since we’re not having classes because of the foundation); it was good I was able to find a gift for her. We went to her house and were able to meet her parents (yes, it’s the first time that we saw her parents since they are in her province). The food was good and I hope that everyday maicel would prepare the same food for us. She’s really good at cooking! Hehehe. Donald was also there; I thought he’d not come because he still has some “tampo” to us. But it’s good he’s there. They were able to fix their petty quarrel. (Did they?!) I don’t know, kind of, all I know is that Lorie and Donald went to SM San Lazaro together. (How sweet! Am I missing something here?) Peace guys!

dedma

We saw him and he didn’t even care to tell sorry to us, for what he did on Tuesday. Well that’s him. Now we know his characters. Maybe he didn’t notice us but it’s ok. It was nothing after all, if ever he’ll approach us. He’s teacher and we’re just students.

But we were not much affected by it, there are some things that we should put much attention on just like our department got third place in the cheering and dance competition in school. Isn’t it great? They said it was centuries since the last time our department was included in the rank. Congratulations Patrick!

And another one is Maicel and Donald’s love quarrel. It was not really an l.q. since they’re not together. Maicel have her own boyfriend and so does Donald. It was maybe just a misunderstanding or a petty friendship quarrel. I know it’ll end soon. ‘Hope so! She’s celebrating her birthday and it’s just not good to have an enemy at your birthday,right? (Right!) So to speak I still have to look for Maicel’s gift.

Jovick treated Peter and I some snacks. It was fun hanging out with the two of them. For the first time Jovick treated me! Yippee! Well that’s just the weird thing that happened today. Nothing much to say.

annoyed again

I don’t know what his intentions are, but he did it again. And as usual we still believed him. He said we have to go to class because he’ll be meeting us and discussed some important lessons but unfortunately it was just like before. He makes us wait, it’s ok, it’s fine, we’ve been used to it. He’s always like that. No wonder he can do that to us hundreds, and even thousands of times. Besides, who are we? We’re just his students? Everyone was so annoyed with what he did.

boring

I tried my best to make this day a fruitful one but it seems like everything is going my way. After the sleepless nights because of the unending midterm exams this would be the day to rest and forget all about it.
February 5
It’s Monday. We attended the mass for the foundation of our school. So in short, as it was expected—no classes for today. We just went and watch the booth of each department. It was boring to be honest. So we just decided to go to our house and watch a movie. It was much fun watching movie rather than watching the booth in school. After that they went home and I went to rest.

agony

Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again. But sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever, no amount of hope can bring back to life a relationship that just died a natural death, set yourself free. Let your heart spread its wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights…but still will not rain forever. One day the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. One of these is where you will build your nest and start over again. It’s never to late. Remember, you may find love and loss it but when love dies, you never have to die with it.